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Every time I log into Livejournal, I'm reminded of how much spam I've been getting on some of my posts...and that I really need to pare down my tag lists on my entries.

Holy hell. Do I really need a new tag for each entry? Well, most entries? But the task seems too big or mundane for me to tackle.

So no tags for this entry. ;) And perhaps I'll write again sooner than six months down the line.

Our Mirrors of Each Other

So, I haven't blogged in a while and a lot has happened. So much, that why play catch up?

I'm still here, living stupendously, wonderfully, and full of life.

I'm glad you are too.


Sometimes i answer my own needs...

I was telling myself this morning as I was washing dishes, I need to wipe out my microwave. So wouldn't you know, I gave myself the opportunity to do so after I hear my syrup bottle hiss and blow up with a BOOM! all over the inside of my microwave. I was startled, but then I just had to laugh. I don't normally heat my syrup in the bottle but I figured since I had so little left, just this once couldn't hurt. *laugh*

Attention Whore?

I'm feeling like I'm not getting enough attention. But I don't know why that is. This week is busy. I have been with friends and lovers. I have much to do... but why am I feeling this way?

Everyone has their levels of being busy. Everyone has others in their lives. Why am I feeling discontent? I had a great night having dinner and playing pool complete with conversation and cuddling.

This is frustrating for me. Perhaps I'm feeling a loss of the spotlight? When having it so much was frustrating as well? Perhaps this is just the right amount of spotlight, I just need to get used to it. A level of having some time to myself.

I suppose I could also be frustrated because my weekends seem much busier than my weeks, and so I'm rushing around many weekends, while my week is spent waiting for my weekends to start? Gah.


Sometimes I just don't feel worthy.

But that's not entirely my decision to make, though my thoughts do tend to impede my actions. I should pursue my happiness and not let my doubts get in my way.

If I wasn't worthy, they wouldn't show interest. I can't decide the outcome without even playing. All it accomplishes is my sitting on the sidelines.

I need to respond.

Dec. 21st, 2010

Feeling nostalgic and without a tuner, I found this lovely page. Now my neglected violin has been tuned for the second time in ten years. Apparently you can tune quite a wide variety of stringed instruments. Like your mandolin, ukulele, and dulcimer... :)

Thank you for this resource.
So I received a Netbook for an early Christmas present. I had been wondering if I should go for the IPad VS a Netbook. Well the netbook won out, as I can have increased funtionality for the same if not cheaper price tag, currently. Of course I would be sacrificing the nifty touch screen and the fancy look of an IPad.

Well, I loaded it up after charging the battery for the requisite hours and was dissaponted I was unable to change my background. One of the first things you do when you install a new OS or you have bought a new computer right?

Well, I was frustrated thinking that maybe this new Windows 7 Starter OS was so different from other versions that I just didn't know how to do it. So after searching online I found that this simple ability has been disabled, probably as a ploy to get the netbook users to upgrade to a full version of Windows 7.

Thinking, there must be a way, I found an answer.
In this article, there are two options for downloading third party programs to change your background. I opted for the 2nd program, and was finally able to change my background. Now I don't feel compelled to pay the $80 to upgrade my netbook OS. I know I could have lived with the windows background for a while, but it would have dragged on me. And as other users in other online forums have stated not having this simple basic ability to customize my desktop just made me feel cheated with my new toy.

Thanks for saving me money.

To drive OTR or not to drive...

I'm seriously considering truck driving again.


  • Immediate pay increase, after putting myself through technical school again...
  • Pretty laid back as long as the load gets picked up and delivered on time.
  • Save up for FX Makeup or Linguistics Education.
  • I could have a savings account!
  • Seriously start saving for retirment.
  • Pay off my debt in half the time, even if I have to borrow to pay for school.
  • I could visit other BDSM clubs/communities across the country more often than I am currently able to.


  • Away from home for 6 weeks at a time for one week of home time.
  • Or gone all week with two days back.
  • This life change would be difficult on current romantic relationships.
  • I would be away from my blood and leather family often.
  • This would push FX Makeup education back a while.
  • I would feel like I hadn't progressed far in life from age 25 when I first became a truck driver. (Which is silly, I've done a lot in the last 5 years.)

    Edit 11/15/10: So the damages for my accident on 06/23/08 that totalled my Honda amount to $2,463.05. According to one of the recruiters for one of the companies I called on Saturday, they won't even touch me as a driver if the damages are over $1500.00 until three years have passed. And this wasn't even in a commercial vehicle, but it still counts against your professional licence. So I think I may have to wait until June to be hired anywhere.
    I hate flashbacks of violence. Coming on unbidden. As if I'd never healed. Or I suppose I still am. I guess eventually they'll have less of an impact the more time passes.

    My desire to give my trust had been destroyed for a while. Perhaps these are prompted by a sort of mental self preservation for myself and this new relationship. It reminds me of a comic he passed on to me, which I'll edit into this post later...

    Hell, I still get flashbacks of witnessing roadkill and the pedestrian/car accident I witnessed. These things happen, but what are we supposed to do afterwards, will the visions always come?
    At work today listening to my comedic station on Pandora, a song by Flight of The Concords comes on called Foux Du Fafa. The lyrics are all touristy comments and questions, what some people will learn for a two week trip to France, I was happy that knowing that even after all these years out of college and my studying French, I could keep up with the song and find the humor in it. Without anyone to practice with I am able to at least understand the words that I may not be able to reproduce so quickly.

    I love that it has come to the point with me that upon hearing French, the English word comes up in my head without a thought to it's translation most of the time. The images of the words or sentences just blip into my mind like someone changing the channel on a television. It's fantastic to me. Also, I enjoy, even just a little bit, that I get to translate the words of the song for those around me when I'm trying to explain the humor in it to them. I find I also do this for foreign films when the subtitles do not match what is actually being said in French.

    I love it. I need to recapture my French language capabilities as well as pick up another.


    Dreadlock Mohawk

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